Friday, June 11, 2004

Upset out of nothing


The hubby and I took a nap after having dinner. I made something very quick - just some ravioli soup (from a can) and then scrambled eggs with ground beef. Nothing fancy... It's Friday and I have very little stuff in the fridge by Fridays. I either have meats but no extras like veggies or bread and drinks, or all the extras but no main dish meat. *shrugs*

So the nap, the nap... I guess it was like 3 hours long, I am not sure. I slept awkward and woke up with this neck pain so I just lay there, feeling uncomfortable and stiff, but with images in my mind of the small dream I had. I do not dream about him much, but this time I did. So I raised my hand while he sat next to me on the bed and I stay with my hand outstretched for what seemed the longest time and he never gets it. I had to make this noise for him to look at me. I have my hand out to him and he just stares at it until I tell him to hold it, which he does but in some sort of 'whatever' way.

I begin to tell him that I dreamt with him... and he talks about being hungry. I kept talking to him and describing my dream - it was short and simple, in which we were in a strange home's backyard and he was cooking something on a grill; I remember watching him as I leaned with my shoulder against a glass sliding door; we talked about something while he teased the carbon, but I cannot remember the words. Well, I did not get to tell him all of this. He suddenly gets up as I begin telling him the dream and walks out of the room.

He came back some minutes later and I told him my whole body hurt - it was weight lifting training today and O really stressed my muscles. He didn't really say much. I was hoping maybe he would sit next to me and at least rub my shoulder or anything. I know, perhaps if I wanted that I should have told him... but... why can't he just do it from himself once in a while? When he says his whatever aches I try to hold him, rub his aching muscle - whether he lets me or not is a different story; he does not like to be touched much. But just because he does not like to be touched it does not meat I do not like it either. I wished I didn't have to spell out everything to him - it gets frustrating.

Well, there I was telling him how my body hurt and again, he just leaves... I heard some rattling around of pots and such at the kitchen so I figured he was making something to eat which is fine with me, as long as he is careful when he does his cooking... But as it is imaginable, he was not. He made some barbecue chicken wings and left the doors open, stinking the entire house of an aroma a do not like much. I am not a bbq-smell fan. My whole bedroom stinks of it now... my clothes, my freshly washed sheets.

He should be more careful... this I tell him. This I do not keep and hope that he will someday just get it. I tell him. "Be careful with how you do things because I clean this house everyday; just be considerate." It sticks to him for a few days... then he takes it for granted again.

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