The Sacrifices A Person Does
My husband loves me.
Before he and I began to date back in grad school we had talked about everything that was expected from ‘us’ (the person and citizen) by people of our cultures. Mexican ladies are supposed to be obedient daughters, obedient wives, good housewives, excellent mothers, etc, etc, etc… we are also supposed to be Catholic, believe in the Virgin Mary, and marry a handsome Mexican man who will know how exactly how to control our lives… for the benefit of the family. Bangladeshi men are supposed to be God-fearing, impeccable sons. They must obey their parents, obey the laws of Islam and the Holy Quran… or else in death they will go to hell. That last part was concealed from our chats.
It wasn’t until today, during dinner that I discovered this bit. We have a couple of friends who are dating. He is Muslim and she is not. If they wish to marry she must convert, for that is the only way that he may marry her. I wondered if that was simply because he was most religious. But my husband says it is because no Muslim may marry anyone that is not a Muslim, for it is a great sin.
And do not marry Al-Mushrikat (idolatresses, etc.) till they believe (worship Allah Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress, etc.), even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikoon till they believe (in Allah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater, etc.), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikoon) invite you to the Fire, but Allah invites (you) to Paradise and Forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember. (Chapter #2, Verse #221)
“But we are married” I said, “and I did not have to convert. I thought that as long as the parents were okay with it, then it would be fine…” Since that was what we did. He told his parents that I was not Muslim and they were okay with that. He tells me that his mother is still quite concerned about it. That she hoped I would soon convert. “I do not think that is happening any time soon, if at all.” If I ever pick up on the religion it would be just to hush the bad talking from people in his family, but not because I ‘feel’ it. And of course, that is a very bad reason to adopt any religion, so I truly do not think I would do it at all.
He agreed with me. The only way to become Muslim is ‘to believe’ and once the boy or girl believes in Islam then and only then can the marriage take place, otherwise it is not a true marriage. Otherwise it is a union based on sin.
“And if that happens what? You go to hell or what?” I was joking as I said it. But he looked at me very seriously as he nodded his head. “So you actually believe in hell and heaven?” He had said yes before, just as many of my friends, but of course, the subject is usually done during light conversations. He believes, he truly believes. I know this because I saw the spark of fear in his eye.
“I believe in what the Holy Quran says. Everything in there is true. If I did not believe in heaven or hell, then I would not believe in my religion and I would not be a true Muslim.” He told me.
“So… if it was so delicate, why did you marry me? Why did you risk it?”
“Because I love you…”
It was the first time he said it in such a way that almost made me cry.
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